Its All Coming Together

Over more than one year i decided to leave the country and I cant believe how the time flies. I wanted to leave for more than the simple reason of traveling and studying and experiencing a new culture. Im not even sure if I even completely understand all the reasons why I did it. However the power of the mind and perception and Life as a drama according to some of the Sociologists ive been reading about is forcing my mind to run in circles. I have grown in so many ways in the past few months, in good and in bad lights. The bad being my coming to terms with reality and questioning everything my entire youth was founded on. I have lost so much faith and in some dark corner of my heart I dont feel wrong or bad. But this REAL feeling of loss freaks me out because I want to believe so much. Is that apart of growing up? Losing the childlike faith that comes so easily when you're young? The good is that I am more grounded as an individual than I have ever been my whole life.

SOME TRUTHS ARE NOT HEARD THE WAY WE HOPE THEY WOULD, BUT THEY LINGER LONG AFTER THEY'VE BEEN SAID.

I wonder if there is some way, some sort of action that can prove loyalty, beyond words, because words are so half ass these days. When I say I am there for someone, that's it. Friends are not Disposable to me. I just wish people could feel the intensity of my meaning. I dont think certain people have the capacity to enjoy someones friendship or a person in the ways that I do sometimes. I wonder if that is something God made me in particular with. I have so much Love in my heart for my friends and compassion and understanding I dont think that most ACTUALLY understand how much I love them when I say it. But then again, I do not need to prove myself to anyone. In some ways I want them to know out of fear in my heart that I would find out that they do not appreciate me as much as I do them. So maybe if they knew, they could be totally vulnerable for real love and friendship. Why do I care so much about friends? Peoples lives are their own and people come and go..... I dont know why but I thrive off of the comfort of being appreciated and loved and even admired by others. Its kind of dreadful.

Tomorrow is a mystery

sometimes i forget about today. I need to remember that I need to make today the best day I can so that my future will be solid. I can easily get too caught up in daydreaming about tomorrow and where i will be and what i will be doing and who i will be with. But if i just daydream about it then the day will slip by, and its one day further away than it would have been if i would have made the NOW a 100 percent effort. I am such a fantasizerrrr and dreamer that it can make me forget about today.

tomorrow is a product of all the efforts of my yesterdays and today. I cant forget that! geeemini.
EMBRACE THE NOW!!!! now.

I SPECIALIZE IN BRANCH

today was good but i suck at uni. and i think im wasting thousands of dollars as i type this right now i mean im the biggest procrastinator there is in the world i dont even deserve to go to school. I need to care more. and Its not that i hate school i love it, i just am so scared of it and hate writing papers and dont wana fail. but thats what is making me fail. where is my logic in this ??

had a good week. ALLY MEISTER got my painting tattooed onto her body!!! what the heck man! here is the photo!!! unreal!!!

had a great week tho fri hung out with jes and people then sat same. lol chuckie and sammy were fun sunday was amazing! church rocked my world and balcony sesh and twilight was sick tea and candles and edwward cullin....mmm. I tried to teach margaret how to skate and she fell and i ran after her and split my toe open. but it was great!

I LOVE MY BONES.

The way you view the world says alot more about yourself than it does about the world.

God help you if your an ugly girl, course too pretty is also your doom, cuz everyone harbours a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room.

SICK PHOTOS BRO.

REVELATION!

BIG WEEK THIS WEEK.

spring break..or mid semester break as the call it out here considering its not even spring.. haha

spent the week with the fabulous eckfords. =] and i love them!!!
went to the CK went to botanical gardens, took a ferry to manly, went to curl curl, margaret drove like a pro her dad said some unforgettable stufff i have a new found love for the people of the south.

haha i need to write this down so i dont forget.

"yall got some good ferilizer up in here"
"theres brandon using his apple pod"
"i need my mobilizer"
"aw now theres a car behind us. CRAP!"
"i want hungry jacks"
"bullsheeeit"
"freekin"
"look at those americans in their khaki pants hanging by the poop station"


sooo good.

God spoke to me alot this week. life is clearing up and i can see ahead of me! I have never been so worry free. im really hot in my hoodie right now but too lazy to take it off.

i got a 61 on my history paper...wowww good thing this one is only 5 percent of my grade.

I love Jesus and life and LA and my friends and SYDNEY and hillsong and harvest and my baby cousin charlie shes the cutest! got to hear her cry on skype so cute.

ttfn bloggy.

THE PUSH AND PULL

I can not forget that you cant force people to be your friends. falling out happens to people. and I get it. It all happens for a reason. BUT WHAT the heck is up with people who just random STOP talking to you altogether especially when you WERE good friends for like long times! people need to TALK about things. I mean Im not dwelling on this but it is hurting my feelings. =[ . like I care enough about my friends that if i had a reason to ignore someone i would TALK to them and CONFRONT them on the issue. Is there even an issue? or do people just decide , "eh im bored with you or your a little bit different now". anyway. I HATE IT when people cant express themselves. ESPECIALLY to me, because i would hope that anyone would be able to say anything to me and not feel like they couldnt say something to me. I just love to hard sometimes maybe lol. yea.... i would even rather be told that someone didnt want to talk to me....rather than them just clam up and act like they have no clue who i am at all. at least then i know for sure whats goin on. man o man. welp now that im vented i can go on with my beautiful day!!! off to see margaret and kaelz

YOUR NEVER ALONE!

You never need to told on to anyone out of fear of being alone, my precious princess. I am with you wherever you are. I am the friend who walks in when the world walks out. I created you to have strong relationships, My love, and I see your desire to be close to someone. If you will seek Me first and come to Me with your wants and needs, I will choose your friends for you. I also will bless those friendships abundantly. Dont settle for less than My best just to fill your schedule with people to see and places to go. I want to reach you with the reality of My presence in you first, and then you will be ready for REAL relationships tha are orchestrated by Me.

- LOVE,

YOUR KING AND YOUR BEST FRIEND - Matthew 28:20 - "And be sure of this: I am with you ALWAYS, even to the end of the age."

thank you god!

SHE SLIPPED AND SHE FELL DOWN

This picture is the story of my life within the past 4 weeks i have fallen down so much . haha

and i am loving this picture of Lindsay Lohan! she is so cool. Goodness i wan be like her! (not reallllllly) but...



I took some awesome photos of the park that i walk through everyday ill post those tomorrow.

LOVE. LIVE. and GIVE.

xoxo CASS

LOCKED IN!!!

SO i work at vodafone on broadway. the shop is getting closed down. the landlord came in five minutes ago and said... "FIVE MINUTES AND IM LOCKING THE PLACE UP!" and he did just that.

I AM LOCKED INSIDE MY WORK WITH MY BOSS WITH ONLY MY BAG MY PHILOSOPHY READER AND THIS INTERNET. I AM SOOOO FREAKED OUT. but at the same time this is hilariousss. i had my boss barry take a photo of me standing next to the locked door! what the frick! who does this happen too. this has GOT to be illegal. i mean what if there was a fire? or what if my boss was a freak?! which he isnt. he is so sweet. ill be posting the photo as soon as he emails it to me. hahah this is the worst thingg oh well once the door is unlocked im off to the beach!!! hehe. i looove COOGEE BEACH!

CUT

This morning my devo was really good. I love how God confirms things throughout your walk that you learned when you were young. He opens your eyes to a deeper understanding! Phil 3:10. Soooo WE ARE CONFORMED TO HIS DEATH. this means we go through our own personal "crucifixions" and we come out ressurected. we conform ourselves to his death so that we may know him more. KNOWING GOD is the sickest thing. it feels so exclusive yet everyone is meant to! its the best thing.


I CUT MY BANGS TODAY =]



but they are just long enough to where i can move them to the side! I read laurens blog today and she never told me she wanted to go to spain. WTF why havent i been informed that she wanted to maybe go there that sounds fun! i feel bad if she wants to go there she should. i mean obviously she will if she gets cash but i wish she would have had the courtesy to let me in on it!!! I am kind of frustrated cuz i was set on if she had got money to travel anywhere it would be to AUS. yet another confirmation in the life lesson that you cant put your faith in people. if she comes cool, if she doesnt, cool. whatever. im not mad. yes i am. but im not too upset. just gotta deal with it. i came alone! i have to be happy alone =].

cant wait to go home for a week in april.

COACHELLA!!!!!

DATEUPS.

alright so as of now im trying to switch over to tumblr but SAFARI sucks so bad that its uploading like crap. so im still on blogspot. anywhattttt.... I have done alot this past couple of weeks. im obsessed with this cafe right across the street from my house cuz they have free wifi and everyday has a different special for example today is 4$ champagne and strawberry. =]


everyday is 5$ pizza loveeee pizza. and whatever. but other than that... i walked 25 miles friday night. the consequences of that are my feet feel like they are going to fall off and its hard to walk now in addition to my pelvic pain. but walking is good for me so i guess alls fair. anyway im about to eat a bay pizza. and things seem to be changing back home . james isnt friends with pete or dirk or anyone from box for that matter...unless they have shown him otherwise. but it blew my mind i thought they were family!!! =[ oh well things change and for james im sure its for the better. he is awesome.

this sweedish waiter and i are becoming friends . but i still cant really understand him and he never makes eye contact with me when i talk to him its weird....actually he will look at me when i talk but he wont look at me when he talks...maybe its a sweedish thing. i love those sweedish fish things. mmmm but ew kevin is video chatting me. i really dont want to talk to him right now but he just told me he is drunk soooo maybe i do hahaha. welllp. thats that.

VIVA MEXICO

tonight Jay and Chuckie came over for a Mexican Dinner feast! we made hard shell tacos and chicken fajitas!! mmm then we went to the park by my house and watched Black sheep on my laptop. this movie was so good. Zombie killer sheep attack the people! and then the people who are bitten turn into sheep! yea...

HEARTS A MESS

Pick apart
The pieces of your heart
And let me peer inside
Let me in
Where only your thoughts have been
Let me occupy your mind
As you do mine

You have lost
Too much love
To fear, doubt and distrust
(It’s not enough)
You just threw away the key
To your heart

You don’t get burned
(’Cause nothing gets through)
It makes it easier
(Easier on you)
But that much more difficult for me
To make you see…

Love ain’t fair
So there you are
My love

Your heart’s a mess
You won’t admit to it
It makes no sense
But I’m desperate to connect
And you, you can’t live like this

Love ain’t safe
You won’t get hurt if you stay chaste
So you can wait
But I don’t wanna waste my love


SO I totally forgot about this song. and Since i finally got my laptop back ive been listening to music alllll day . and I just want to be in love with someone right now. like in this moment. i dont really mean in general like at this stage of my life but right now.. and there are 2 maybe 3 explanations for this RIGHT NOW... 1) maybe im really horny haha admit it we all get anxious for a rough make out sesh.
2) im about to start my period which I AM one of those girls that gets all moody and dramatic, so my emotions are possibly heightned right now... or 3) i usually go thru these ups and downs of being single for 20 years... I get over them after a couple times of smart self analyzing and reassuring myself i dont need anyone right now is not the time. and remind myself that the fact that im not making initiatives or looking is a smart choice. im all about the WAIT thing. but its only NATURAL to feel this desire for companionship!
and im not like... lonely or needy or anything.. just a normal (smart) 20 year old girl with emotions who has just recently in the past 3 years learned to tame them...for the most part.

oh life. if only it were as simple as the cinnimon goodness we knight that breakfast name to.

A "me" night

LITTLE HAVALI AND GEORGIA RULE. indian take out and a chick flick with me myself and i. I hope this movie isnt gay. I like chick flicks but theres Chick flicks and then theres ....CHICK FLICKS. ones good ones bad. just dont put the emPHA-sis on the wrong sylABBUS you know what im sayin. if not... im destined to relax with my aching booty and maybe go to physical therapy tomorrow... if i want.. i kind of dont want to . im not handicapped. IM ABLE!!!


frick i should have bought ice cream...maybe yogurt and fruit loops will do... or maybe some oreos..mmm.


xxoo lifes a breeze.

Today i Moved from my crap room which might as well have been solitary confinement with padded walls and a straight jacket included...

to a bigger room with a courtyard! thank god but the task was hard considering my cracked pelvis lol. it took me three hours but mission accomplished and NOW im off to Bi-Lo and Kmart and Coles to buy some shelves tacs and maybe a pot to cook my pasta in!!! yum!

x rays are all good. my crack should heal sweetly. just walkin around with pain all over. haha

THIS IS A CALL TO ARMS TO LIVE AND LOVE AND SLEEP TOGETHER

We could flood the streets with love or light or heat whatever
Lock the parents out, cut a rug, twist and shout
Wave your hands
Make it rain
For stars will rise again

The youth is starting to change
Are you starting to change?
Are you?
Together

In a couple of years
Tides have turned from booze to tears
And in spite of the weather
We could learn to make it together

The youth is starting to change
Are you starting to change?
Are you?
Together

The youth

JUST KEEPS GETTIN BETTER

LAST NIGHT I went to powerhouse for the first time it was awesome. I met a few more people like this girl Marie.. I met her in the bathroom and I am like so sure it was Kevins Ex Girlfriend lol... I met Hannah Jays Sister, and then I sat with Jay Maggie and Kailie. Church was awesome. It was on WISDOM.

AFTER CHURCH

JAY FA FA ME AND JOSH wanted to watch the Shining SO FAFA made some Pumpkin Soup and Josh and Jay got this dessert called PAVLOVA!! its amazing. its named after this ballerina!



because it looks like her tutu! =]



this is where im going today! its called Bondi Beach. SO EXCITE!


how nice are my new friends that they are getting me a hotel room. either at the SHANGRI-LA this is a view from there.


its the hotel with the big square in it. =]



OR this really old hotel that was built in the 1700's but its like amazing I cant remember the name of it so i couldnt find a picture. But really I cant believe they are going to do this for me. I didnt expect this at all!!

I WISH LO MEGAN BEKAH TAYLER SIS AND SHANA could experience this with me. xxoo I miss you guyysss

AUSTRALIA

I have had the coolest five days =]

so not to be cliche or anything.. but I watched Australia on the way to Australia... can I just say that it pumped me up so big.

Flights were perfecccttttt.

we stayed at this place called gilligans in Cairns for three days. right now im at the airport waiting to go to sydney, my plane boards in like 20 minutes. then Jay Jay is picking me up! =]

DAY ONE :

Diving at the great barrier reef. - Incredible. I felt like a mermaid. when you scuba dive, you can sink and its ok... because you can breathe! and I saw sooo many rediculous creatures the giant clams look so fake! and sea cucumbers look like giant weiners. and I got stung by a sea anemone! It hurt but whatever thats just cool to say. we walked to the boat from our hostel and the bay is BEAUTIFUL i video taped it and will post it later!

SIDE NOTE - i just heard an australian 3 year old speak for the first time in my life it is the cutest thing EVER ... wow

DAY TWO:

went to the rainforestation! i saw a 15 foot crocadile named jack the ripper because he had 12 girlfriends and ate all of them.. so now he lives all alone! =[ then there was a cursing bird I played with kangaroos and held a koala!!! they feel like sheep and they are so sleepy all the time.

I met some really fun friends. I loooove Claire and mary and amy and molly. they are awesome. and the Australearn staff was reallly reallly cool so fun and down to just hang out. I love it here so far but I did get mugged and I got a TATTOO within the first three hours of me being there. Ill post a photo of that also! =]

now im sitting in the airport waiting to get to my house in SYDNEY! hey hey hey! so excite.


Jay picked me up and we went to thai for dinner then i slept in my bed with no bedding cuz all the stores were closed

next day went to stay in a hotel for ashleys birthday! so good. I guess i talk in my sleep haha
saunas, drinks, dancing, birthdays, breakfast, so many good things.
kevin was right sydney is a happy world.

this is my view from my roof!!!! <3

AND THIS IS MY SCHOOL!!!!!!

its beautiful!

got my ring from valou. last night was Hwood. shoulda been Hhood cuz sheit was hitting the fan!
first of all.. me and lo go to the most ghetto liquor store ever to buy some classy wine... they were so prepared for a robbery it was redonkulous.

get to bekahs we all roll over to hwood and we get there and then like an hour later jen left with her boyfriends car with my PURSE IN IT. =[

THEN dani runs up to me and is like i swear o god i think cher is here.

CHER!

do you believe in love? yea that lady. and so i GRAB valou and we basically convinced her to try to sell her rings to cher. she got the balls to do it and we went up (lo allen me valou and alexis? <--name fart) and val sits down and slides a ring on chers hand allen was taking photos the whole time and once we were done her like manager guy or whatever pulls allen to the side and tells him that he cant take those photos and gets him kicked out of the club AND BANNED!!! wtf... what a diva im sure cher wouldnt have minded lol... allen is a bad ass haha.

THEN i bumped into drew barrymore. oh my god she is sooo cute. wowww

Roma came it was really nice to see her. =] new tradition for her she says! yessss

after hwood we went to mexican stand it was sooo yum i got 2 quessadillas. mmm then i rode in dirks TRUNK cuz dani bounced and we all had to cram into his scion which might as well be a smart car its so little.

so im in the trunk with a suitcase on top of me and pete and dirk decide to be dickheads and turn very sharply and go over every possible speed bump ever. they laughed... I was ouching all over. but it was still fun haha.

home sweet home.

xxoo yeea.

Oh the Places You'll Go!

Lately i've had an overwhelming passion for Dr. Theodor Seuss Geisel. He is just so admirable and whimsical and I wish I lived inside one of his stories. I have been obsessed since I was young with both the likes of Dr. Seuss and Shel Silverstein. For some reason lately especially I have been living in this dreamland in my head where I take REALITY... like certain situations, and I'll replay them in my head with different happenings or outcomes. Its such a wonderful place in my mind. =] But then that same trick I do, I do it with strange things too. For Example, like if I were scared, on a ledge or balcony or crossing traffic. I speed think or play in my mind my death if something were to go wrong. like I can SEE it. But moreso these happenings are happy happenings not tragedies.



how wonderful is Dr. Seuss I mean REALLY. I think I want to have a tattoo on my body or something ( MOST DEFINATELY WONT DO THAT BUT IM GOING THRU A PHASE) haha i like the black eyed peas one stupid... hahah

tomorrow is delta spirit with LO.

GOSH MELEE IS SO SMOOTH WITH HIS VOICE. it makes me melt. sheesh.

love all over.

cassie

ECHO CURIO and B!

this is a video i stole off of bekahs photobooth. haha That had to be one of the best weeks of my life. seriously incredible!! I LOVE that girl!


Last night I came back out to LA with cole, Kate, AJ and Jon to see Roman Candles and Andrew Jackson Jihad at Echo Curio. It was not my scene really but I enjoyed myself still.

I bought that feather thing in my hair its a clip with tricolor feathers in it. I love it so much. Then after around 1230 Cole dropped me off at Bekahs APT. I spent the night I'm feeling WAYY better.

NOW TODAY I started off with some meditation. Totally chilled me out and gave me an energy boost! later we are going to the Box to get Bekahs passport pictures taken. She is getting ready for SHANGHAI!!! gosh people are just leaving this country left and right. I finally sorted out EVERYTHING for australia =]. NOW I just need to pack and ship things over. I will probably load up on Dramamine for the flight, or take advantage of the 13 hours and read some books lol. I plan on getting an internship with Insight or Ksubi while im over there. we will see.


xoxo

MY LAST BREATHS

KARAOKE AGAIN